Ponder and Laugh!

Received this in an email from my sister. Hope it adds a smile to your day!

Some examples we've seen before and some new ones:
*I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

*Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

*I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

*Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

*If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

*We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

*War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

*To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

*A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

*Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

*Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

*I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

*Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

*I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

*I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I  said "Implants?"